Ephesians 5:21–33 is a passage that is often used as a text for a message at a wedding. But even those of us who’ve been married quite a while need to review it. And in our broken, sin-cursed world, here is an area where God’s grace can shine.
Rejoice in the profound mystery of marriage. Marriage is a covenant relationship. The marriage covenant reflects the way God deals with his people throughout history — covenantally. Notice how frequently in the Old Testament the relationship between Israel and her God is compared to a marriage. In the New Testament, the church is the bride of Christ. As you see God’s faithfulness to his people, that gives you grounds to rejoice at this union. In contrast to the popular notion that the Bible treats sex as bad, Paul assures you that God considers it something good. It grows out of our being made in God’s image — with a need for love and fellowship. The doctrine of the Trinity is mysterious. God is one God in three persons. At the beginning of human history, as God created mankind, male and female in his image, he made us to reflect his character.
“Genesis 1:26 is the only time Elohim is paired with a plural verb (Let us make) as well as two plural referrants (our). In making one mankind, male and female, God is revealing something very basic about his own nature. He is one and he is many. His oneness and his manyness are equally fundamental to who he is. Like him, our oneness and manyness are equally foundational to who we are as mankind, male and female, directing our thoughts back to him as our source and greatest blessing.”
Anna Anderson, “The Mystery of the One and the Many,” https://substack.com/home/post/p-137621743
The first marriage was in the sinless Garden of Eden, where against the refrain of “and it was very good,” we have “it was not good for man to be alone.” Eve, created from the side of Adam, was exactly the help he needed, not first of all to serve as a glorified maid or even just to be the mother of his children, as great as that would be, but to assist Adam in his calling to enter God’s rest. In verse 31 Paul quotes Genesis 2:24. God gave marriage as the place for the expression and development of that capacity for love to take place — and when we ignore him we bring about pain, suffering, and ugliness. Satan attacks at this point, for he realizes the damage that results from broken marriages, from sexual immorality, and from the misuse of authority. In reaction to the world’s egalitarian humanism, I’ve read reformed ministers argue that women are ontologically, in their being and nature, inferior to men. That thinking is derived from Aristotle, not Scripture. Husbands, if you are asking yourself, how do I exercise my authority, how do I make my wife submit to me, you have company — the company of Jesus’ disciples in Matthew 20, who argued about who was the greatest. Jesus rebuked them in verses 24–28, pointing out that this was a pagan notion. The Son of man came, not to be served, but to serve. That is your model.
Because God ordained marriage as a covenant, submit and love. Submit in the Lord. That language may sound politically incorrect! Although Paul specifically reminds wives to submit to their husbands, there is also a broader, mutual submission, out of reverence for Christ, Ephesians 5:21. Ephesians 5:21 reads “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”(NIV). Paul did not insert paragraph and section breaks in his original letter, but for our convenience the NIV editors placed a section break before verse 21. They make that verse a separate paragraph, and then the following paired instructions for wives and husbands, children and fathers, and slaves and masters are each separated into a distinct paragraph. The ESV, on the other hand, puts a section break between verse 21 and verse 22. Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit, is making connections which our editorial breaks can obscure. Ephesians 5:21 is connected with the preceding context. The word we translate “submit” in Ephesians 5:21 is actually a participle, more literally translated “submitting.” It looks back to the main verb in the sentence in verse 18. Believers are prohibited from getting drunk with wine and, positively, are commanded to be filled with the Spirit. What does being filled with the Spirit look like? Paul describes that with a series of participial phrases: addressing one another with psalms and hymns, singing and making music to the Lord, giving thanks to the Father, and finally, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Just as all believers are to be filled with the Spirit, sing to the Lord, and give thanks to the Father, so all believers are to submit to one another. Submission reflects a structure, a structure that has not just evolved, but one which God has set up. Submission is ultimately a reflection of your relationship with Christ, which is the reason Paul gives for submitting. It may sound challenging for Paul to instruct wives to submit as the church does to Christ. His instruction to husbands is even more challenging and more detailed as well: to love as Christ loved the church. Love is not first of all a feeling. Rather, it is action — obedient action — doing what is right, regardless of how you feel about it. The love Christ has for his Father and for the church led him to enter this world and to suffer and die in the place of his people. Husbands that is the standard Paul holds out for you as to how you are to treat your wife. The gospel is ultimately the marriage manual. The submission and love in marriage is a specific instance of what it means to walk in love. Our self-centered culture may tell a woman, no one is going to tell you what to do. You don’t have to submit to anyone, not even your husband. God’s Word says differently.
Live in the mysterious union with Christ. Only in Christ do you have the strength to live as you should. We lack the strength we need to put the Apostle’s instructions into practice. Only the powerful working of his Spirit can equip you with what you need to serve God in your marriage, or any area of your life. God is calling you, male and female, adults and children, to live holy lives. You are called to reflect the character of your God, Ephesians 5:1–6. Only in Christ can you find the forgiveness you need when you fail. Paul admits that he is speaking of a profound mystery. Marriage is mysterious, but even more deeply mysterious is the relationship between Christ and his church. Paul points you beyond the immediate relationship between two people to the relationship that the Lord has with his church. Because you are united to Christ, every one of you, whether married or single, is called to reflect the holiness of the God in whose image you are made.
“God has built into the order of creation a relationship which — yes, with all its own mysteries — provides a clue to the Ultimate Relationship, the experience of being a couple in a marriage relationship that points to the Ultimate Couple — Christ and his Bride, the church. This marriage ‘made in heaven’, but forged on earth, is destined to last for all eternity. And every Christian marriage is called to reflect and manifest it. Glorious mystery indeed!”
Glorious mystery indeed!” Sinclair B. Ferguson, Let’s Study Ephesians, p.1 55
Live in covenant fellowship with your Lord. These few words this morning are not simply inspirational–there’s not a lot of staying power in that. They are not a set of practical how to rules: do this, and your marriage will be wonderful. Oh yes, there are things you can and should do. Make the mutual submission and love visible in your daily lives. Your marriage can be a profound witness — to your immediate family, your extended family, and to your community. Take the time to tell each other that you love him or her. Remember the power of words, for good or ill. Don’t let the sun set on conflicts that arise. Back the words up with specific actions that walk the talk. Spend time in the Word, in personal study and prayer. If you are married, spend some of that time together. Don’t neglect the fellowship of God with his people. But all of these are empty habits if they are not grounded in a living, trusting relationship with Christ, a recognition that he is both your Savior and your Lord.
Many of you are married. Some are called to be single at this time. Some are preparing for the day they will be married. Focus, not on yourself, but ultimately on the Savior, and ask yourself how you can better glorify him in the home you do or will have.